Why Some Children Don't Like Hanging Out With You

A reflection on why children feel safe with some adults — and distant from others

Children still breathe self-love. Adults often don’t.

Children, more than most adults, are still in love with themselves.They aren’t yet preoccupied with the judgments of others, simply because they haven’t encountered them to the same extent.

They move through the world with a natural sense of worth — curious, embodied, and emotionally honest.

What happens as we grow up

As we mature, life delivers countless points of view our way. Not just opinions, but emotional projections, expectations, and moments of discomfort that slowly shape how we see ourselves.

If we don’t make a deliberate choice to stay conscious of who we are — worthy, lovable, beautiful — we begin to internalise these impressions. Over time, they influence how we feel, how we behave, and how safe we feel being ourselves.

Why children feel ‘‘different’’ to be around

Children, however, are largely unshaped. And although there are important exceptions — trauma can already begin in the womb — they are, for the most part, still free of this emotional baggage.

They haven’t yet learned to override their inner knowing or disconnect from themselves to belong.

That freedom naturally attunes them to others who are still connected to themselves — and creates distance from those who aren’t.

Children don’t relate through politeness or social strategy.They relate through resonance.

Children don’t speak disconnection

Children can’t hear you if you don’t speak their language — and their language is presence, authenticity, and emotional coherence.

When a child doesn’t “vibe” with an adult, what’s often happening isn’t rejection — it’s a miscommunication.

They are sensing the distance between you and your authentic self in that moment — and they simply can’t meet you there.

What children tend to pull away from

Children are highly sensitive to emotional dissonance. As a result, they will often pull away from adults who are:

• forcing connection instead of allowing it,

• trying to be “fun” instead of being present,

• performing authority instead of embodying safety,

• seeking validation through them (needing the child to like them, laugh, or engage),

• trying to teach instead of relate,

• emotionally unavailable but socially polished.
  

Not out of disrespect — but out of dignity.

This isn’t about being “good” with kids

Even when an adult has the best intentions, and even when manipulation is subtle or unconscious, most children will not truly open or confide.

(Unless fear is introduced — through shame, labels like “bad kid,” or forceful authority.)

And that’s not a flaw. It’s a blessing in disguise.

What children are actually inviting you into

Being met with distance by a child can be deeply revealing — especially for adults willing to look inward rather than take it personally.

It’s an invitation to release limiting beliefs, nervous habits, and compensatory behaviours — and to move toward more confidence, trust, presence, and inner ease.

In summary: how to relate well with children

Children are naturally drawn to adults who emanate:

• peace,

• emotional safety,

• self-confidence,

• ease,

• grounded presence.
  

These are the qualities of love. Of worth. Of a deep, embodied trust in life.

They come naturally to children — in how they experience the world and themselves.

And it’s within this atmosphere that children feel safe enough to reveal their authentic personality, their curiosity, and their genuine interest.

Connection with children isn’t built through effort or technique — but through alignment.